Welcome back to the Kernal Newsletter: the friend that doesn't judge you for ghosting us b/c we know you're hustling your Xmas cards to clients 📬
Latest news: world cup finals are Sunday, SBF (aka the #1 person not to lend your crypto to) got arrested in the Bahamas, Meghan and Prince Harry had a big drop on Netflix, location tracking Twitter accounts (like @ElonJet) got banned, Trump launched a
xmas fundraiser NFT collection, an unnamed startup launched a dope partnership with Yep.so anddddd there's 9 days till Christmas.
Our hearts go out to the CPG founders hustling their butts off this week. As Kernaler Bruce Willis would say in our favourite Christmas movie: "Yippee ki yay manufacturing founders".
You're swimming in 50 unread emails, so let's toss on our Yellowstone saddle and giddy up👇
Today's Michelin Star Menu:
- 🎁 Founder gifts you need to know about
- 👀 Help us build our Kernal premium strategy
- 😮 Startup ideas that'll make you pause
- 😎 Klever Kernal memes
Meet Trends.vc: the insanley helpful reports read by 54,000+ founders to find new startup opportunities every day. They also scored 3,024 upvotes on ProductHunt if you need a clout check. Trends.vc has a holiday speicial granting 70% OFF to anyone that buys their Essentials Report. We loved the deal so much we got it ourselves. Reply to this email for a screenshot if you wanna call our bluff. 😂
🎁 5 Clever Gifts That'll Fit Your Budget
Let's not beat around the bush. It's hard to buy for anyone, let alone a founder. They have:
- bills to pay 💸
- jets to board ✈️
- and decks to send ✉️
But since we know startup founders as well as cookies know milk we got your back. If you have a co-founder, spouse or neighbour that you need to buy for, you're in the right hands.
Let's take a looksie at the advice, shall we? 🥁
P.S. We split each category by budget range, starting with the least expensive and scrolling to the most.
1. Friends and Family Round Budget (🚀)
If you love Kernal ideas, you'll love Kernels popcorn. It pairs perfectly with a corny hallmark movie or 3 hours of tik tok videos (you said you wouldn't watch before bed). If you have a tight budget, this is guaranteed to get a kind nod from your accountant for spending responsibly.
2. Pre-Seed Budget (🚀💸 🚀💸)
When you're WFH trying to bring an idea to product market fit, having fun swag that makes people laugh on a video call goes a longggg way. Our friends at Liquidity have just the collection to do the trick. Honour your investors' cheque by shopping in the $10-$100 range this Christmas.
3. Series A Budget (💸 💸 💸 💸 )
It's common for tech founders to liquidate some equity in the Series A to B stage. So as you prep to get more $$$ in the bank, keep a lookout for that perfect heli-ski trip to treat your day-one supporters. That first client, that first investor, that fire hire. Go surprise 'em b/c they've been with you long before TechCrunch had you on their front page.
4. Unicorn Budget (🦄💸🦄💸🦄💸🦄 )
After you hit that $1b mark, the budget gains a few more zeroes. And there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you reply to 1/10 cold emails from young hustlers trying to build there podcast cred. With a unicorn budget, we recommend home shopping in Malibu. It's great for hosting startup retreats or family weekends. New York can get a bit too rainy for IG stories at times so our Unicorn friends find this spot as the perfect escape.
5. Billionaire Budget (🛳💸🛳💸🛳💸🛳💸🛳💸)
If you're a shopper that sold their bitcoin at justttt the right time, you could easily qualify for the Billionaire Budget zone. And while you're at it, fill out our Kernal premium survey since you probably have time dollars to drop. If you want to surprise your startup bestie with a gift they'll never forget, we couldn't more highly recommend allocating $50m to buy a Utopia IV. We've never seen or tested one, but the photos look sublime.
*DISCLOSURE: it's important to note, we're not as sophisticated as you think and we get absolutely ZERO comission benefit from you clicking on the christmas list above. This items were spun up at 1 am last night for your pure enjoyment. But if you do buy any products, we'd love a selfie of you with the new toy.
If you were our secret Santa, we'd ask you for one thing. And that's your honest 2 cents on a new survey we spun up. We're try to finalize our Kernal Premium strategy for 2023 and would love your input. 🚀
We also dropped something kinda big earlier this week: a partnership with Yep.so. WTF should you care? Great question startup pal.
B/c now with any startup idea you can now spin up a landing page right within your Kernal page. Exibit A below:
Pretty helpful eh? Click here to get a full run through of the feature or tap below to help us build more cool features like this for founders.
🎁 New Startup Ideas 🎁
Imagine there was a service that showed you any person's most followed items and then gives you a roadmap to position your message to that person. Would you pay for this?
Christopher is erasing the need to take 9 shirts to the dressing room at once.
Prashant thinks you need a makeover.
⚡️Startup Zingers of the Week
- Kernaler Steph Smith was overwhelmed with the explosion of AMA questions she got in 24 hours. Thanks to everyone that jumped in and the hours Steph carved out to give her input. Next AMA's already in motion!
- 📄 Steal these 7 notion templates that will help you track and achieve your goals in 2023.
- 💰 Some founders have generated millions in revenue with 0 employees. Here are 10 one-person company stories.
- 🔗 Kernaler Alex Lieberman, founder of Morning Brew, launched Sherpa, a directory of curated startup resources.
- 🤖 Wild examples of how to use ChatGPT to plan an SEO campaign and develop a Python application.
- 📈 8 sectors likely to thrive in the 2023 recession, including digital health, budget travel, and leisure and logistics.
- 💬 Actionable strategies to engineer word of mouth and stop hoping people will tell their friends about your product.
Thanks to Nico from Failory for the zingers. Sign up to read his newsletter
🏆 Tweets of the Week
9 days till Christmas. Stop reading and start shopping. If you seriously need tips on gifts, we had this really nice staff member spin up a list of reasonable startup gifts without the mems.
Hope today's writing gave you a smile. If it did, smash that 11/10 below because it fuels my enneagram type 3 mindset to keep working late into the night digging up the best jokes for you. If it was boring sauce, tap that and I'll go put my head in box of ice this weekend.
💚 The Kernal Fam